Motherhood is Hard, so Breathe…Just Breathe!
Motherhood is hard…no like, really, really hard…
I never really understood how hard it was going to be util I became one myself. Which seems obvious that I wouldn’t truly “get it” until I gained motherhood status, but because I was taking care of children since I was one myself it didn’t fully sink in how difficult it would be until I gave birth…
So call me dense…
Truthfully, I’m one of those overly logical people. Oddly enough my husband and I have had conflicts because of my lack of emotional response in some instances, and it was because of my often logical approach to life that I was little prepared for what would happen once I gave birth to a little human person.
This is real footage of me for a good four weeks after Aurie - my now nearly 4 year old - daughter was born.
Apparently once you go from growing life to sustaining life through nursing, your body can experience some…um…hormone shifts. It’s normal. Trust me, I googled it numerous times throughout those weeks, as I desperately tried to figure out why my face insisted on leaking so much.
And then as time went on, more challenges emerged than just my hormones….like making sure that not only was my baby surviving, she was thriving.
I was a sleep trainer by night, baby whisperer by day, and a human milk cow…like always…
Then as she grew, I had to learn how to balance work, and motherhood, and marriage. Everything was new.
Then 18 months hit, and things got even more challenging. She started exerting her will upon us, for everything. Crazy, uncontrolled fits, which we were assured were only part of a short phase. Well, she turns 4 in May, and we’re just now getting through it.
Aurie is an extremely sweet little girl. Everyone loves her, and forever, no one believed us that she acted this way because it was only in the safety and security of our home that she felt comfortable enough to “express” her feelings. Which is a parenting win, albeit a stressful one.
It was an overwhelming phase to say the least.
What’s more, when Aurie hit year one on this Earth, we were eager to add another little one to our lives. Now three years later, four failed fertility treatments, one miscarriage, and countless other doctor’s appointments…we still don’t have another little one.
The normal struggles I faced as a mother that were then compounded by the excruciating pain of not being able to have another, it felt as if my world was coming crashing down around me. My vision for my children being close in age disappeared and then the scene of being a one child family started to materialize.
It was devastating. Lost visions of how life should go often are.
Oh, and not that adoption wasn’t an option, or rather, isn’t an option. It’s just a path to come to terms with when you desperately want to carry another child in your own body. Adoption has always been on the table, even before I faced Secondary Infertility, and will remain there until God answers.
The struggle is real and ongoing though.
But I’m saying all this to reveal a truth that I believe exists for all mothers…motherhood is hard. Like…really, really hard. And because it’s hard, it is one of the single most rewarding things you experience in a lifetime.
Be proud.
Be proud that you can get up everyday and hug your children. Be proud that you even get to because some can’t.
Some women have lost their children and will never get to hold them again, or get to hold them at all. The reality that those mothers face are ones that should both make us want to stand by other mothers and support them through their heartache, as well as, to appreciate the moments that are hardest for us as we train up our children in the way God intended. For the 8th night in a row that Aurie - to put in nicely - “exerts” her will upon her father and me, I will hold her tighter and be grateful that I have the honor of being called her mother.
I am proud through my pain. I am made stronger because of it. We all are.
